The task for this assignment was to come up with a “monster” that would be born from the imagination of our fictitious culture, and then construct it out of cardboard. I had a hard time coming up with something that would terrify a population that was addicted to technology while staying within the parameters we were given. The obvious answer was to embrace the “yin” to technology’s “yang”: Nature. I thought that was a little too obvious, plus, I didn’t love the idea of having to make plants and sticks and rocks out of cardboard, when I have a whole pile of the real thing sitting within arms length from a previous project. I considered making something with giant scissors for hands, and calling it the “Cord Cutter” but then, plenty of people I know use that term in the positive, to signify ditching cable in favor of digital streaming services. It’s aspirational, not frightening. Not to mention the fact that most of the devices people are addicted to don’t use wires or power cords these days anyway. I thought about a monster that when it clapped its hands, emitted an EMP that disabled electronics, but then, do most people even know what an EMP is (an electromagnetic pulse) and how do you convey that concept through difficult to manipulate cardboard? Another loser. What is something truly terrifying to technophiles? The antithesis of all they stand for? A creature so abominable, they dare not admit that it exists, for to do so would be to admit that God must also exist, and he has forsaken them?

This is Dave. He works for Geek Squad.

He’s the guy your grandma calls when her computer stops working, and you’re not answering your phone. He has no real expertise, charges an obscene hourly rate, and takes all day to accomplish what you could, for free, in half an hour…if you weren’t screening Granny’s calls. Dave from Geek Squad is a monster, but he was birthed from one far more loathsome: You. The selfish, disinterested grandchild, fully aware that your refusal to accept the minor inconvenience of assisting a (supposed) loved one would spawn such a beast, and yet doing it anyway. You hate Dave from Geek Squad not because he is a monster, but because he is a mirror.

I got a little flowery there. Basically, you only see this dude when something is broken, and whether he is of help or hindrance is as predictable as where the wind will blow. He’s the technology addicted society’s version of the Baba Yaga.

He’s also about 15 inches tall, and made from Amazon boxes, toilet paper tubes, and empty 12 packs of Mountain Dew Zero Sugar.